Thursday, February 10, 2005

Lesbian Kiss

Here's a funny little antidote for you (I figure it will also help out in my ongoing campaign to increase google hits [cunt, shaved pussy, barely legal, hot gay action]). My friend, Stanley, he's a very unique person. He is sensitive and profane, intellectual and lowbrow, naughty and nice. Perhaps six adjectives aren't an adequate flesh-out/setup for this story, but if there is one thing we can all agree on, it's that no one in the history of the world has ever thrown away perfectly good pornography.

Anywho, so Stanley has been known to go online in search of various useless items for purchase when he is incredibly bored. Sometimes ebay, sometimes Amazon, sometimes, well, I guess I don't really want to know where he comes up with half this shit. So one day he looks around his apartment and thinks, "Wow. I have a lot of blank space on these walls; especially right here in my bedroom. I had better purchase some 'art' to beautify my living space."

What does Stanley buy? You guessed it, the above poster-sized specimen of erotica tastefully entitled Lesbian Kiss. Now at the time of purchase, somewhere deep inside his brain, I know Stanley recognized that he was fulfilling a base and prurient desire. I'm sure he had a little tug-of-war in his mind, "Self, can I REALLY justify buying this poster? I mean, it is artfully executed, is it not? When mom and dad come over to visit and they see this hanging in my bedroom, they'll recognize the aesthetic necessity, will they not? I am an ADULT, and this is ART after all. Why, it's in black and white! If this were mere teenager's pornography, the girls would be naked and awash in blaring fleshy hues of pink and red. I'd better go ahead and order this just to satisfy my intellectual curiosity." Click.

Long story short, Stanley gets his massive "nude" and plops it up on his wall across from his bed. Day becomes night, night becomes day. The weeks roll by. All the while, Stanley is lying in his bed, staring at his acquisition, "thinking" about what he has done, "reanalyzing", the rational for his purchase. Eventually, after much anguish and self loathing, this tortured case of buyer's remorse became such a burden that our friend Stanley was forced to take Lesbian Kiss down, fold it up, plunge it deep into the middle of a big bag of sweaters and old socks, and donate it to the Salvation Army. Well, it's funny to me anyway. Posted by Hello


Blogger Trixie said...

That little ancedote was the perfect antidote to my shitty day. While I am about as far from prude as you can get, I tend to think the majority of my fine gender tends toward prude. Which makes me wonder how Stanley thought he'd ever get laid again with two giant (but admittedly hot) lesbians above his love chamber.

4:36 PM  
Blogger emily said...

Call me sick, slutty or whatever else you want, but I would totally srew a guy who had that over his bed...and I'm straight.

10:03 PM  
Blogger AngryMan said...

You would be "straight" for approx. 2.3 more minutes after you jump into the sack with this guy. Believe you me.

7:45 AM  
Blogger The Disenfranchised Voter said...

Don't know if you guys know this or not, but I'm fairly certain that poster is of the russian girl duet TaTu.

They had a recent hit with "all the things she said".

PS I want that poster :)

9:13 PM  
Blogger AngryMan said...

I have a tattoo of TaTu engaged in, how shall we say, torrid activity... It isn't like this poster though, sorry.

10:10 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

I have that poster. I love it. No guilt here :)

2:11 PM  

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