Friday, February 18, 2005

Moronic Mea Culpa


Well, it seems that my "star" is screeching skyward, its points becoming molten and bending all crazy-wise as I hurdle through space, a latter day baby-Superman smugly secure in my interstellar cradle. My idiotic game playing over at Eschaton and Americablog has paid off in a bonanza of page views. Wow. I can remember a time not so long ago when each and every uptick on the old self esteem meter down there at the bottom would throw me into a realm of abstract metaphysical speculation. Who was that last person? Do they like my special and completely original ideas? Where are they from? Can I now consider them my new friend?

It seems like only yesterday that I was waiting, hour after hour, watching, hunched over and shivering, wrapped in my favorite blue blanky, rocking back and forth (and yes, touching), praying that I might witness the exact moment when that baby hit the century mark (thank you, thank you, THANK YOU Mike Sandival of White Plains, NY, I will never forget you).

Now look at me. A colossus astride the "blogosphere". I've captured your attention, entertained and intrigued you. Enlightened you. As Fat as Arbuckle, as offensive as Jolson. You love me. You HATE me. I've captured your heart, and I've Blown Your MIND. And yet I am you, and you are I. I am Everyman. And I am No1. Now that is a pair-of-docks, Is it not? [Ok, ok, so at the very least you'll grant me the fact that I've wasted a few precious moments of your life here on this earth, the ONLY one you have, thereby making me the keeper of those tiny slivers of your soul. I have them! They are mine! I keep them in a little carved ivory box, right here in my desk... Mmmm. I think I'll enjoy one right now, swish it around in my mouth, let it run through my fingers... Yes, yes... the precious.]

Anyway, my point here is this. Though my ego obviously craves the attention, I can't help but feel that I've somehow cheapened myself. Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for the world's oldest profession, it's just that THIS, this is not what I had envisioned, not what I set out oh those many years ago to do. I don't want it this way. (If you are looking for a good time and live in Chicago by the way, rock on over to Emily's blog, I hear she puts out on the first date!! No I am totally serious, check her out!!! [sorry Emily, you have been with me from the start, and you know that I love you!])

Well, so anyway, I promise to stick to the hard-hitting pansy-liberal-slanted blogfotainment that you've come to expect from me, and I will try not to be such a blogwhore. Well, maybe just sometimes. Ok, on Fridays. And Saturdays, you've got to give me the weekends. Also, seriously, I spent like 3 hours scouring the web for any and all youngish (ages 18-30) pictures of Jennifer Granholm. Please, please, please, if anyone has any, send them to me, and I will post them. Especially you Jennifer. We love you, and you are a wonderful governor, incredibly smart and talented. But you are also just so goddamned hot. Everyone wants to see pics of you from college, preferably on the beach. Call me. Any and all pics of Laura Bush being railed into will of course be immediately posted as well. Posted by Hello

68 Comments:

Blogger oldwhitelady said...

Well, your blogwhoring over at Eschaton worked. I'm here, but where is the party?
Just kidding - I looked at your blog the other day. I enjoyed it. I think I commented.. I did comment on the little boy's post. The one with the funny look on his face.

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Blogger emily said...

Hey no offense taken. Besides, I don't really live IN Chicago Mr. West Egg.
The putting out on the first date part isn't true either....ok maybe it is....

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Blogger pattygal said...

I'm so happy for you... you've achieved readership of total strangers in addition to me & Chica Bernice! Gosh, what was that site? Eschaton? I'm so there... I need the validation.

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